Micro-Managing

VIA Lanzy from here.  Lanzy, we salute you. Don't give in. Don't be an asshole

 

"I'm a Bad Manager

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I am manager of a software team of 14 SW Engineers, this puts me smack dab in Middle Management, a position I have accepted for about 20 years.

So yesterday I was counseled by the Project Manager. It turns out I'm too nice.
The team is behind schedule, I blame this on an insane development schedule to meet an unrealistic date. So I have people working late, coming in early, giving up their week-ends, and taking work home with them. This has been going on for about a month and will continue for at least another month. People are getting tired and cranky.

Back to the counseling, I was told to be more of an asshole. That is the exact wording.

Later HIS boss came to see me to let me know I should be micro-managing. He believes my people are getting away with too much, TOO MUCH? They are working their collective asses off.

If I had to list two rules of managing I would have to say, Don't Micro-manage and Don't be an Asshole.

So, how do I fake these things, because I really don't think I can do them."

Children in Restaurants

"If I'm paying $100 per plate in a restaurant I don't want the distraction of your unruly children around me" - Tony

Sink Hair

I don't want to clean up your sink hair. And you wonder why it keeps backing up. . .

Gym Etiquette

"if I had a nickel for every minute I had to wait for exercise equipment at the gym while some guy sat there texting, talking or day dreaming, I could jump to a much higher tax bracket. How's about a little gym etiquette?!" by Helene

Be Considerate of the Person Helping You

If you want me to spend 3 hours fixing something you broke, at least clean it first. Seriously, that was gross.

Hippy Co-workers

If you try talking to me at work about horoscopes and star signs and hippy shit every day and I am unresponsive, it's because I could care less. And I'm not the only one. Get the hint.

Dear Crappy British Tipper

"Dear British, if you've been vacationing in Florida every year for the past 10 years, YOU KNOW that bartenders and servers rely on tips. You are the first to show up and the last to leave. Your bill is $51.25 and leave $52.00 and say keep the change. Please take your happy ass and crappy teeth back to England. Even countries that don't speak english tip better than you. And "Shandy's" are gross, drink a real drink." - Submitted by Brenda

Dear Crappy Tipper

"Dear Crappy Tipper, The $1.50 you left me on your $30.00 tab didn't even cover what I had to tip out the bar for the 3 glasses of wine you drank let alone my busser. It was also really cool that you sat at my table for 2 hours during peak lunch rush so no one else with respect could sit there. I was hoping to make at least 30 bux today to pay rent, but thanks to you I walked with $11. Come over and tell my 5 kids that you suck. Next time do everyone a favor and go to McDonalds. I'm gonna go cry now and make mac & cheese for dinner."

 

This girl got fired for making this song. Hence the anonymous quote.

Talk TO people, not ON them

"Do you realize you're spitting on my face as you talk to me? Really! You just spit right in my face like ten times! I can't even process what you're saying, because there's so much saliva." - Submitted by Mich

Don't Be An Asshole Driver

"Instead of being in such a damn hurry in your car, realize there are hundreds of thousands of other people on the road and not tailgating, letting people smoothly merge, being aware and getting off your damn phone/not put make up on/eat/etc while driving if you don't have the attenton span/multitasking abilities to do so, will make my and your commute smoother, less stressful, and you'll get to wherever your going in such a damn hurry, quicker!" - submitted by Eben via Facebook

Lighter Thief

Do you realize if you borrow my lighter and put it in your pocket, I have to buy a new one?
- via Mich

Did you know you can now track your lighters?

Dear Backpack Jackass

"OK, you are a jackass with a backpack. Do you not realize this? If you enter a crowded area of people can you take your god-damned pack off your back and hold it on your side or something? Instead of walking through a crowd and bumping everyone in the head if they are sitting down or just bumping everyone around bopping through like an ass-hole! It really makes me want to set it on fire. I hope your "really important stuff" isn't in there because it will happen. That goes for the big-ass purse girls also." - Jody

Dear Crackhead at 7-11

"Listen, rude crackhead lady at the store: If I let you cut in line and go before me for no apparent reason, it's polite to say "Thank You", not "Excuse You". I totally get that rock cocaine fucks with your mind, but does it really have to make you impolite? I think not."  Logan Lynn

 

IM'ing

If we are IM'ing and you ask me a question that deserves a thoughtful response, don't start asking me more questions while I am typing.

Don't Pee Near Cougars

"Once, before the days of indoor plumbing, I peed outside while a couger sat there watching me. Luckily he wasn't hungry. Always carry a flashlight when peeing outdoors." - BAYS 3:16

How to NOT be an Asshole, Kittguana Style

Parking

Do you realize if you pulled forward 2 feet, I could park behind you?

Smoking and Driving

If you blow smoke out of your car window and I'm next to you, your smoke goes into my car.